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Would you be able to recognize the signs that you are dating a narcissist or do you just suspect that there is something not “quite right” in your relationship?
Regardless of your understanding of narcissism in relationshipsIf you think you’re dating a narcissist, it’s vital to know what to expect so you’re not caught off guard later.
Could you be dating a narcissist? How do you know? What are some of the signs?
Here are 9 surprising little signs that you are dating a narcissist:
1. They were too strong at the beginning.
Lust is a part of any relationship, but when that lust quickly turns into one partner telling the other how “in love” they are and how they want to spend the rest of their lives with them or can’t imagine their life without them, that can be a cause for concern.
Narcissists often create superficial connections at the beginning of a relationship, before they meet someone.
2. Conversations revolve around them.
Narcissists love attention. They love to talk about themselves and how great they are.
They tend to exaggerate their achievements to try to make themselves look better. Sometimes they make it difficult to pronounce a word.
3. They feed on praise.
Narcissists tend to come across as having high self-esteem, but require constant praise. And if you don’t give it to them, they will catch it.
They often use other people to increase their self-esteem and feel more powerful.
4. They lack empathy.
Empathy is the ability to see and feel what others feel. Narcissists are incapable of understanding another person’s subjective experience.
They often cannot make others feel validated, understood, or accepted.
5. They don’t have many friends for life.
It is difficult for narcissists to maintain relationships of any kind. They may talk about friends, but they are probably acquaintances, casual friends, or enemies.
They also tend to get angry when you mention your friends or try to make plans with others besides them.
6. They are always picking on you.
A little teasing here and there can be harmless and fun for any relationship, but it becomes problematic when it is cruel or constant. You may feel like you can’t do anything right or that what you do isn’t good enough.
They don’t like the clothes you wear, the color of your hair, or the shows you watch on television.
A narcissist’s disapproval or criticism can often start subtle and escalate over time.
7. They distort your reality.
They may twist the truth, spout lies, or falsely accuse others in order to control their lives. This is called gaslighting and is a form of manipulation and emotional abuse.
An example would be telling you that your mom didn’t call you back because she doesn’t care anymore or saying that they saw your friends at an event to provoke the feeling of being left out or unloved.
8. They believe they are always right and never apologize.
There is Do not debate or commit to a narcissist.. They never seem to listen to you and don’t understand you.
They rarely, if ever, take responsibility for anything and rarely apologize if they have done something wrong.
9. They panic if you try to end things.
You may have noticed that things are not going well and have tried to end the relationship. Your partner has probably panicked, vowing to change and be super loving and affectionate.
They may also have said bad things to you, such as “You don’t know how to live without me,” and tried to turn your friends and family against you.
Narcissists can seem incredibly attractive, before you even meet them.
Therefore, it is essential to recognize the signs of narcissistic abuse before they occur.
When you first met them, they may have been too charming. They may have gone out of their way to express their interest in you, whether it’s leaving you love notes or showing up with lavish gifts.
They may have told you they loved you after a few weeks together. But then something happened.
Maybe you didn’t call after you got home from a meeting with friends. Maybe you couldn’t meet them for lunch because you had a work meeting, or maybe you decided you’d rather go to bed early than watch a movie with them.
Whatever it is, something probably disappointed your partner and things haven’t been the same since.
This is what people who have been in relationships with narcissists often describe as the turning point where things changed in their relationship.
Photo: Diego Cervo via Shutterstock
Narcissists can be difficult to spot, especially when you are romantically involved with one.
Generally, you are not alert to the telltale signs of narcissism. Often, you are trapped by what once was: the charming behavior that caught your attention.
Dating a narcissist can be exhausting and leave you feeling lost, defeated, and depressed.
You should always practice self-care and develop healthy friendships. Seeking support can be beneficial in helping you get out of this relationship and heal yourself.
Babita Spinelli is a psychotherapist and CEO of Opening the Doors Psychotherapy and Embrace Coaching.
This article was originally published in Psychotherapy Opening the Doors. Reprinted with permission of the author.