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While watching my nephew’s youth hockey game last weekend, I saw a sign hanging on the glass next to the stands. He said:
LET THE REF REF
LET THE COACHES TRAIN
LET THE PLAYERS PLAY
YOU ARE A ANIMATOR
I’ve seen several similar reminders of perspective over the years while watching my own children play. The messages bring to light what has become a national spectator narrative, namely the poor behavior of parents at their children’s sporting events.
However, the fine print on this particular note was more of a warning: “Remember that you are on private property and may be asked to leave at any time for any reason.”
Former NFL quarterback Cam Newton and other youth coaches in Atlanta were not only asked to leave a youth football event last weekend when they became involved in a surprising and terrifying fight. They were removed after security guards had to forcibly separate them from each other.
The fight, which began at the top of a ladder and spiraled toward a fence amid wild shoving and punching, further underscores what is wrong with our children’s sports. We know that parents can be overbearing and even physically and verbally abusive to coaches and officials.
But this narrative is not just about the parents. Is about all the adults who are ruining youth sports for our children.
Adults like Newton, who runs a youth sports organization, fight in front of parents and children. Adults coach kids, but they feel like they are pitting themselves against each other, or sitting in the stands across from each other, and feel like their egos are on the line. Adults monetize these same children with their pay-per-play teams called “select” or “elite.”
Adults enter these teams at events such as “invitation only.” us ball sports tournament that Newton’s c1n soccer team was involved in last weekend.
“I think it’s society in general,” said Todd Nelson, assistant principal of the New York State Public High School Athletic Association. “You know, people in the last four or five years have felt that they can say what they think and do what they want and that there shouldn’t be any consequences for that. I think that’s unfortunate because I think they’ve taken that liberty that” “We have as a society and as Americans and they have taken it to the extreme.”
Sports officials fear for their safety at youth sporting events
I spoke with Nelson last year for a story about how the unruly behavior of spectators, especially parents, has created a national shortage of sports officials. He wasn’t even referring to the physical violence we’ve seen at some youth sporting events.
Sunday’s fight involved Newton, 34, and at least two other coaches. Those coaches were from TSP (TopShelf Performance), a national U18 7-on-7 soccer program, a source told The Athletic. At the end of a video of the fight, as noted by The Sporting NewsNewton yells at someone, “I have something for you” off-camera, implying more violence.
Unfortunately, violence inflicted by adults at youth sporting events is not new. Among many others, there are stories of disgruntled parents throwing punches at sports officials in Florida, IndianaMississippi and California.
MORE COACH STEVE:What type of youth sports parent behaves the worst? We classify them
Even weapons have come into play. In the summer of 2022, the brother of former NFL cornerback Aqib Talib pleaded guilty to the murder of an opposing coach during a horrific incident in Texas. Last October in St. Louis, a youth soccer coach of 9- and 10-year-old boys was shot four times by a father apparently upset about the coach’s use of his son on the team. Fortunately, that coach survived.
When I read about incidents like this, I think about the spring of 2022, when my then-14-year-old son was about to play in a baseball doubleheader in Northern Virginia. The games were canceled because there were a shooting on the sidelines of a youth soccer game at a nearby school in the middle of a dispute between, yes, adults.
Our worst qualities, and those of society, come to light when we watch children play.
“They’re stealing the kids’ moment,” said Brian Barlow, a soccer manager interviewed for a HBO Sports documentary on violence against referees. (Note: the video contains profanity.)
MORE COACH STEVE: 70% of children drop out of youth sports by age 13. Here’s how to fix the problem
Two lacrosse referees in New Jersey I interviewed last year said they feared for their safety as they walked to cars after games amid unruly spectators.
“I’ve been lucky so far without physical assault, but I’m cautious about participating after the contest; I’d rather not,” says Gary Herjo, who has spent two decades as a high school and youth lacrosse official.
in a survey of 36,000 sports officials Conducted by the National Sports Officials Association last year, 50% of men and women across all levels of sports who responded said they had felt unsafe while doing their job.
Nearly 50% of officials surveyed in the NASO survey said sportsmanship was worse at the “junior competitive” (travel) level.
Adults invest money and emotions in children’s games
Some of these coaches charge thousands of dollars a year for your child to play on their team. They run these businesses full time and depend on them for their livelihood. They steal players from each other and get angry at each other for doing so. It is a big business that uses, and sometimes exploits, our children.
During an interview with USA TODAY Sports, Adam Yahn, former general manager of an elite junior hockey team in Ontario, Canada, referenced the recent work of TSN’s Rick Westhead. in the investigation of a Greater Toronto Hockey League team.
Westhead sparked an investigation into the team’s finances by the GTHL. This followed a parent’s allegation that player fees and fundraising money for the U12 club were not properly accounted for.
“We have to ask ourselves a question: Are we doing this for kids? Are we doing this to fulfill a dream or are there people in this to make money instead of just developing kids in what used to be a volunteer coaching position?” Yahn says. “Parents (are) putting pressure on their kids, but are there others who are benefiting financially from this? Have we moved away from ‘for the love of the game,’ so to speak, to ‘what’s in it for me?'”
Coaches and parents can get angry because not only are we taking care of our kids, but we’ve invested a lot financially. But in doing so, what are we really mortgaging if the adults running the show can’t behave?
Last December, a video of referees in Colorado fighting at a youth basketball game went viral. Official pools are shrinking across the country, so less qualified and, in this case, less well-behaved referees are being hired.
“We have informed these independently contracted officials that they are suspended indefinitely from working for the Gold Crown Foundation,” the foundation that organized the game told TMZ. “Most importantly, we apologize to everyone who had to witness his unacceptable behavior, especially the children.”
All adults who are supposed to be leaders in children’s sports need to take that message to heart. If there are adults left.
Steve Borelli, also known as Coach Steve, has been an editor and writer for USA TODAY since 1999. He spent 10 years coaching his two sons’ baseball and basketball teams. He and his wife, Colleen, are now athletic parents to a high school and middle schooler. His column is published weekly. For his previous columns, click here.
Do you have a question for Coach Steve that you want answered in a column? Send an email to sborelli@usatoday.com