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What does it take to build a healthy dating culture? Benedictine College students weigh in.
Sitting on a bench, a young couple leans forward, holds hands and whispers a silent prayer after mass. The two have been dating for nine months, finding the joys and struggles of being college students while navigating the dating world.
They are both students of benedictine college in Atchison, Kansas.
While many beautiful and holy relationships are formed on this campus, students also experience the universal drama, heartbreak, and awkward situations that occur when dating.
Henry Gerber and Ruby Carr are freshmen and have been dating for four months. Neither of them left college early, and while they shared that it has been a good experience so far, the small size of the school has been the only drawback.
“Everyone knows each other and always asks about their relationship,” Carr said. “I know from friends that if they break up, a lot of people ask, ‘Oh, what happened?’ “The news spreads quickly.”
Many other Benedictine students agree with this sentiment and share that because dating “news” travels fast, it puts undue pressure on couples to enter into committed relationships when they may not be ready to do so.
“That pressure is evident when people ask other people to dance. A lot of people have the mentality that ‘if a man even looks at a woman, he will commit,'” said Nicole Harrington, a junior. We focus a lot on marriage here, which is good, but we forget about simplicity and just having fun and dating for the sake of meeting people.”
Sophomore Brooklyn Caskey has been dating her boyfriend, Wichita State sophomore Peter Burns, for more than a year. She said her faith has sustained her long-distance relationship.
“From the beginning, we had our eyes on Christ and heaven, and that continued when we started dating,” Caskey said. “We would not survive long distances without the Catholic faith.”
“Relationships have a lot less commitment at Wichita State and a lot of people participate in the hookup culture. Then there is Benedictine, where there is obviously an emphasis on having committed relationships,” Burns said. “For me, a casual relationship is meaningless, because what is the purpose?”
Dating often fuels the good-natured banter among Benedictine students, and many say to find a spouse before you graduate.
But in general, there is an understanding among students that dating serves to discern marriage.
Junior Paul Bytnar expressed that this emphasis on marriage promotes a healthy dating culture.
“Dating is obviously an insight into marriage. When a man asks a woman out, it shows that he wants to pursue her and imagine what a possible relationship could be like,” Bytnar said. “That’s a very laudable goal to pursue, rather than “Simply approaching a relationship as if it were simply for pleasure. Appointments at Benedictine seem to have an end goal.”
A key part of this mentality is the Catholic faith.
Liza Trettel has been dating her boyfriend, Will Scavuzzo, for almost two and a half years. While dating, Trettel has come to see the beauty of the Catholic Church’s dating advice, focusing on an “active approach to a relationship” based on Christian love.
Overall, students agreed that quotes are valuable because they teach a lot about yourself, another person, and love.
“Dating is good because it is part of your formation as a human person: learning to give yourself to another and love another person,” said Anastasia Leffas, a sophomore. “When you meet the opposite sex in both a dating and friendship setting, it shapes you and allows you to learn how to fall in love well.”
Jack Figge writes from Atchison, Kansas, where he studies at Benedictine College.
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