Every Super Bowl Commercial So Far, Ranked

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In the spirit of “Who Really Watches the Game?”, here’s our ranking of all the Super Bowl commercials we’ve been able to track down so far, from best to worst.

Basic rules: Only ads shown on the CBS national broadcast during the game are eligible. Certain ads, including several advocating a boycott of Tesla and several CBS promotions for its own primetime series, were omitted from this ranking.

Commercials that are not available beforehand or have a live component, including ads from FanDuel, TurboTax, the Foundation to Combat Anti-Semitism and the controversial Chinese e-commerce company Temu, will be added after the game. (If Travis Kelce proposes to Taylor Swift in a surprise The Knot ad, we probably have our winner.)

These are the ones we will remember for at least a day or two.

Christopher Walken pokes fun at the people who make fun of Christopher Walken, with a cameo from Super Bowl halftime star Usher. As always, he follows the path.

Aubrey Plaza improves her path in life with the help of a carbonated citrus drink. Plaza is always fun and there is a belated tribute to “Parks and Recreation.”

Aliens are coming to Earth and they can’t get our attention until they figure out how to connect to the Internet. It is superbly directed by Martin Scorsese (in collaboration with “Barbie” cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto), although it is not entirely clear what is being advertised.

A chocolate ball spins around the world to the sound of “Round and Round” by Perry Como. Shiny, bouncy candy.

A man with low vision records his life in clear photographs using a new Google Pixel feature. Moving story with a great predictable but effective ending.

A couple of realistic babies play pickleball with a couple of obnoxious adults who need schooling. One of the few ads whose humor has something resembling bite.

Vince Vaughn explains that Tom Brady, and only Tom Brady, cannot use the sports betting service because he has already won too much. Vaughn-to-Brady is a winning combination.

They get an A for effort and a B- for execution.

A Cardi B number combined with a comedy sketch about men using Duck Plump lip gloss to plump up more than just their lips. A little ratty, but Cardi B never stops being fun.

America realizes it needs to give France a gift in exchange for the Statue of Liberty and uses Etsy to send a giant cheese board. It sounds nice and it is.

Dad of the Year uses his Kia EV9 to light up a pop-up ice rink so a young figure skater can perform for her sick grandfather. (Or at least that is what it seems). A highly powerful tear film.

The Coors Light train roars across the country to save an awkward major holiday. Forward momentum and a fun five-second LL Cool J cameo.

The American dream lived by an immigrant named Beetle, from 1949 to the present, set in “I Am… I Said.” Herbie goes to Ellis Island.

A pair of grandmothers named Dina and Mita go into revenge mode when a young man grabs the last bag of Dinamita chips. Comedy action with a brief appearance by Jenna Ortega.

Ordinary people are contemplating the differences the Copilot AI assistant could make in their lives. Evocative and (intentionally?) a little disturbing.

Anthony Hopkins lampoons his own seriousness to sell cold brew coffee and promote Wrexham football club. Sir Anthony is in good shape but his 2016 Place for TurboTax It was more fun.

They tried. No one was injured.

Zach Braff and Donald Faison of “Scrubs” join Jason Momoa in a “Flashdance”-inspired musical ode to cutting the cord. Encouraged, but is this something anyone still needs to be told?

A farm cultivates couch potato humans who are irrigated with constant streams of their favorite programming. This elaborately staged comic-dystopian scenario is too close for comfort.

Randall Park pretends to be John Krasinski in a promo, inspired by a similar joke in “The Office,” for Krasinski’s imaginary friend movie “IF.” Park hilariously argues with Ryan Reynolds, but yeah, every movie trailer is really too long.

The candies dance happily before being popped into influencer Addison Rae’s mouth. It’s not much, but seeing a big rubbery pirouette to “Flashdance… What a Feeling,” the second “Flashdance”-themed ad on this list, is a little fascinating.

The Clydesdales come out of retirement to pull a beer cart through the snow. Witty nostalgia, but who thought “The Weight” was an appropriate beer delivery anthem?

Young athletes make mistakes in a variety of sports in what turns out to be a public service announcement for body positivity. Attractive but not entirely coherent.

There was some talent involved but the result was skewed to the right.

Tina Fey’s former “30 Rock” co-stars perform variations of her to prove that you can be whoever you want on vacation. Funny people trapped in a musty premise.

As the movie hero Agent State Farm, Arnold Schwarzenegger shows off his movie persona and his real accent. Schwarzenegger is charming, but the joke falls short.

Rapper Ice Spice, who is at the club with PepsiCo.’s Starry, is ambushed by her ex, a generic lemon-lime soda. It’s a blandly cute setting with a touch of horror.

Michael Cera’s fictional appearance as the mastermind behind the similarly scripted cosmetics line continues in a series of commercials for dreamy, narcissistic designer brands. He could have used a scrub.

Lionel Messi kicks a soccer ball along a beach while waiting for his beer; Jason Sudeikis and Dan Marino are among the spectators. Stylish shrug.

Ken Jeong defrosts in a present full of miracles: fanny packs, drone deliveries, Popeyes’ new chicken wings. Studiously neutral about the current state of the world.

Chris Pratt Dons a Walrus Mustache and Goes Viral as the Pringles Guy. Cute but doesn’t answer the question: “Chris Pratt?”

Kate McKinnon and a monosyllabic cat make mayonnaise fly off the shelves in a high-concept ad that has something to do with food waste. It would have been better, and $7 million cheaper, in 30 seconds.

Several celebrities forget things due to the brain space required to remember everything Uber Eats offers; For example, Jennifer Aniston forgets about David Schwimmer. Perhaps they could have commissioned a less laborious premise?

Famous people and millions of dollars that together cannot become mediocrity.

Another mock movie trailer, this one with Dan Marino, Terrell Owens and Bruce Smith receiving rings for coming close to winning the Super Bowl. Being as confusing as a blockbuster movie is not the selling point they think it is.

Part “Westworld,” part “Star Wars”: A cybersecurity tech in an Old West digital city fights alien invaders with her tablet. The least exciting matchup ever seen.

A magic bottle grants wishes, including socializing with Peyton Manning and Post Malone. From a beer with reduced calories, to a world of diminished expectations.

Rick Hoffman and Gina Torres from “Suits” and Judy Sheindlin from “Judge Judy” in a courtroom scenario that parodies both shows. Objection: relevance.

Comedian Rob Riggle runs in Miller Lite body paint for the brand’s “Running of the Beers” campaign. He doesn’t really get anywhere.

Being in the presence of a Kawasaki crest causes both people and animals to breed mullets. Boring in front, boring in back.

Mr. T chastises Tony Romo, who will call the big game for CBS on Sunday night, for pointing out that there is no “t” in Skechers. Compassion is needed.

A discussion group in a living room reacts bizarrely to news about a new peanut butter candy. Trite antics (which is probably the point, but still).

It takes real effort to be that bad..

Flipping a coin is replaced by spinning an Oreo, in momentous decisions from the Trojan War to the creation of “The Kardashians.” Cream of the squeaky.

Actors, athletes, animated figures, reality stars and the band Creed gather on a snowy mountain to do something that involves Patrick Stewart getting mildly embarrassed. It’s not a good argument for the need for second-tier streaming services.

Fifteen seconds of slightly surreal “artificial” sports action, followed by 15 seconds of BodyArmor-approved “real” sports action. I want the artificial one, please.

Toyota Tacomas cruise through the desert while the people in the passenger seat make bug eyes and hold on to the handlebars for dear life. It’s unlikely to catch you.

Comedian Eric André, sick on a plane, is cared for by an ice cream cone named Dr. Umstick. Apparently there were no writers on board.

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