Or as he referred to the two: “these damn guys.”
Stewart released footage of Biden last week at a press conference intended to reassure the public about his cognition after the special prosecutor called him an “old man with a bad memory.”
Instead, as Stewart noted, the event was marked by some speech errors from the president.
“So Joe Biden held a big press conference to dispel the idea that he may have lost a step and, politically speaking, he lost three or four steps,” Stewart said.
He said Biden had another chance to prove himself by doing the traditional post-Super Bowl interview, where “millions and millions of people got to see him competently and clearly lay out his 2024 agenda.”
But Biden refused and released a TikTok video instead where he answered brief questions about the game and praised the chocolate chip cookies.
“Fire everyone. Everyone!” Stewart declared. “How do you get on TikTok and end up looking older?”
But Stewart was just as tough on Trump, who over the weekend found a strange new way to pronounce “Pennsylvania” and then warned that “they” will change the state’s name.
“What the fuck are we doing here, people?” —Stewart asked. “Biden has lost a step, but Trump regularly says things at rallies that would justify a wellness check.”
Then he got serious with his audience.
“I’ve learned one thing these last nine years and I was glib at best and probably dismissive at worst,” he said while delivering his message:
“The job of making this world look like one you’d rather live in is a day-in, day-out fucking lunch job, where thousands of committed, anonymous, smart, dedicated people knock on closed doors and pick up those who fall. and work on the problems until we get a positive result, and even then we have to stay to make sure the result holds.”
“So the good news is: I’m not saying you shouldn’t worry about who wins the election. What I am saying is that you have to worry every day before and after,” he said. “Forever.”
The audience applauded.
“Although, on the positive side, they tell me that one day the sun will run out of hydrogen,” he added.
Watch his full 20-minute monologue from Monday night’s “Daily Show” below: