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Welcoming nominees and guests to the 76th DGA Awards, director, producer and writer Judd Apatow greeted the audience by joking, “I’m your host Bradley Cooper with an even more seductive Jewish nose.”
Apatow opened with a spark that builds on the DGA’s history of never attacking studios. He noted that his agents told him to expect more money for his fifth time hosting the ceremony: “But in the spirit of the DGA I accepted their first offer.”
Taking aim at the current political landscape, Apatow addressed the crowd and said, “I swear to God, if this is the only time you vote this year, you can all go to hell.” He pointed out the age of the likely presidential election candidates, Joe Biden and Donald Trump. The race will be between “a guy old enough to have met Hitler and a guy who wishes he had met Hitler.”
Dedicating the night to the “legendary” Norman Lear, who recently died at the age of 101, Apatow vowed not to rest until “his killer was found.”
The official emcee then turned his attention to other presenters at the awards show: “I would like to thank Jo Koy for lowering the bar for me. “I would like to thank the Directors Guild who had the courage to hire a white Jew to host this ceremony.”
Taking stock of the past year in the entertainment industry, Apatow reflected on what the company learned from the double strike year: “Fran Drescher is the voice of reason and unfortunately that’s what reason sounds like.”
Apatow also addressed the merger fever that has gripped Hollywood amid difficult times for traditional studios. “This is how it will happen. First, Warner Bros. Discovery will merge with Paramount and Comcast will merge with Sony. Apple will merge with Netflix and then take over Warner Paramount Discovery. Apple makes a hostile takeover of Comcast Sony and then immediately takes over Warner Paramount Discovery. Apple makes a hostile takeover of Comcast Sony and then immediately takes over Warner Paramount Discovery. Elon Musk then takes his own money and executes a leveraged buyout of both companies. And, to streamline the operation, Musk fires all but 37 people. Then Jeff Bezos steps in and buys everything as a Valentine’s gift for his girlfriend, Lauren Sanchez. He then gets tired and passes it on to Salma Hayek. And then it’s a golden age of creativity and risk-taking and it’s like the ’70s and all that. And suddenly Byron Allen appears and buys it all in cash.”
Continuing with the Globes, Apatow threw shade at the new categories added for the 2024 ceremony and offered a few suggestions of his own, including: “Best Picture starring Timothée Chalamet in a hat. Best Tom Cruise movie based on a previous Tom Cruise movie. Kevin Spacey’s best film is only released in northern Italy. “Steven Soderbergh’s best movie ever shot with a Ring doorbell.”
Later in the ceremony, Apatow lamented the decline in viewership for the awards shows and the fact that the DGA ceremony is still not televised. He blamed it in part on celebrities being so exposed through social media. “We should all agree not to be out there for so long. So we only see you at the awards. Marty, no more TikTok, no more dancing. You need to be mysterious again. Chris Nolan, no more Only Fans accounts. I enjoy it but I can live without it.”
Last year, Apatow criticized “Top Gun: Maverick” star Tom Cruise, calling the actor’s famous stunt work “an advertisement for Scientology.” As for this year’s nominees, best film director awards include Greta Gerwig for “Barbie,” Christopher Nolan for “Oppenheimer,” Martin Scorsese for “Killers of the Flower Moon,” Yorgos Lanthimos for “Poor Things.” and Alexander Payne. for “The Remnants.”