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“It’s really fast,” Adler said.
That figure is unthinkable for most people on dating apps, where it is known to be a numbers gameand even then years can pass without luck.
People typically pay between $75,000 and $500,000 for Adler’s services (and in some cases, even more), according to business records reviewed by CNBC. His team of matchmakers conducts personal interviews with clients, delving into their childhood, desires, dislikes, and romantic histories. Adler has identified 225 key indicators, including family values, politics, and religion, to determine lasting compatibility.
“When people come to see us, they’ve never learned how to date,” he said. “Your selector is simply broken.”
Barbie Adler
Courtesy: Barbie Adler
He said his service was “not for the masses,” but for the rich it was worth it.
“Nothing is bigger or more important than who you’re going to be with for the rest of your life,” he explained.
What about everyone else trying to find love? Adler shared his best dating advice.
Before people start dating seriously, they should take some time to reflect on themselves and what they want, Adler said: “Quiet your world and come up with a game plan.”
To start, he suggests asking yourself these two questions:
- Am I the partner I want to be for someone else?
- What do I need to do to work on myself and attract the type of person I’m looking for?
You might conclude that you need to exercise more and eat healthier, or address a long-standing anger problem, Adler said. Some will realize that they need to be more generous in relationships. Think about the problems that his previous partners, or those he has been dating, brought up. “Listen and don’t get defensive,” Adler said.
“Be humble and ask yourself how you can be a better version of yourself,” he added. “Someone who has worked on themselves is really attractive.”
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Once you’ve taken an inventory of yourself, you should think deeply about what kind of partner you’re looking for, Adler said: “Make a list of what you need. Get clear on physical traits, value systems, lifestyle, and Family planning.”
As part of this reflection, it can be helpful to think about why previous relationships didn’t work out, Adler said. There may be a pattern you need to break.
“We prevent our clients from repeating the same patterns,” Adler said. “People will say, ‘I don’t want the same wounded bird anymore. I want a partner now.'”
Adler matchmakers spend a lot of time helping clients identify deal-breakers and must-have qualities in a partner. As difficult as it may be, you don’t want to negotiate about these things, Adler said.
“They need to make sure they want the same things in life,” he said. “If someone wants to dedicate their time to the arts and another likes to spend their time on the slopes, they are two very different lifestyles.”
The most important thing is not to give in on the big issues, Adler said.
“If you want to have kids, why would you waste your time on someone who is a ‘maybe’ for kids? Or do you think you could change their mind?” she said.
“Reaching an agreement is the fastest way to have a divorce lawyer on your phone,” he added. “I think you should keep your standards.”