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He was packing his bags to leave for Vizag and join the Delhi Capitals camp when the announcement was made. On the way to the airport, she spoke to TOI and his childlike excitement brightened the journey. She wears the 120-point scar, which runs from her temple to her left eyebrow, with a smile. But Tuesday was more about relief and pride.
Excerpts from the conversation…
His first reaction to the BCCI announcement…
Incredible feeling. This was what we were waiting for. It’s been so long. I think you can still deal with a three to six month layoff. But when it goes further, it starts to take its toll. I just want to go out, play and have fun. Don’t think too much about the future, because (then) you put too much pressure on yourself. Looking forward to each day as it comes.
How would you describe your battle over the last 14 months?
For me it wasn’t just a physical battle. I decided to have a blast because when you’re on the road while playing, you have to eat a certain way to be in a certain physical shape. I had it planned in my mind how I had to move forward and I had absolute clarity. For the first few months, I enjoyed food because it was the only thing that kept me sane. I was so frustrated that I thought I couldn’t deny myself a good meal. There wasn’t much I could have done. But later I started working very hard on my fitness and nutrition. We now have a dedicated team looking after my nutrition. I gave myself about three months of intense training. I know I’m strong to endure that. I just had to get rid of a little extra weight and nutrition played a key role in that.
Was there any anxiety as you got closer to regaining full fitness?
I was anxiously waiting to be declared eligible. I was trying to get fit before the Test series against England. BCCI and NCA were very helpful. BCCI secretary Jay Shah took a personal interest. They didn’t want to rush me into the longer format. Little by little they increased the workload. That was the best part of recovery. You have to evaluate if someone takes care of you like that. They suggested I start with T20s and then increase the workload.
You missed the World Cup at home…
It was very disturbing. We spoke with the NCA team that we will try to participate in the World Cup. We all tried 200 percent. But my knee couldn’t take the load. That’s where I started trying harder. When you start setting shorter goals, it helps you push yourself. It’s like building some good test entries.
Spending a year at the NCA must have been agonizing…
I mainly had conversations with VVS Laxman (NCA director) about life in general. There was so much frustration. I used to feel frustrated even if someone tried to talk to me. Sometimes you take it out on people through no fault of their own. NCA helped me deal with that over time. There were certain gestures that were very important. For example, I wanted to stay in a house instead of a hotel room in Bengaluru. They adapted to that. these little ones
The gestures made a big difference.
How important was the close circle?
Having a closed circle is important. But there are some trips you should take alone. You need to trust yourself most of the time. When you have a setback like this, you need to give yourself space and time. It was a bit isolated. He knew he had to find a way.
Did you consciously try to erase the incident from your mind?
Even if I wanted to, I can’t delete that incident. I tried not to think or regret too much so as not to bother myself all the time. I tried to keep it light. I focused on what I could do from that moment on to improve.
How much have you changed as a human being?
I wanted to preserve my identity. I never felt like I had to change drastically. You want to add things that help you. Gratitude towards life has increased a lot. You start to appreciate the little things in life.
When you could barely walk, you fought hard for your Sonnett Club when they were being displaced…
I love my club from the bottom of my heart. I couldn’t even think about not defending my club. The way they looked after me when I came from Roorkee. Late Mr. Tarak Sinha was a father figure. Devender Sharma is like my elder brother. I spent a lot of time with him last night.
Do you think you have become spiritual too?
You become more disciplined if you are spiritual. It’s a personal choice. It helped me focus on myself. When my accident happened, I felt like something spiritual saved me. With the type of accident I had, I only hurt my knee but I can’t even imagine how worse it could have been. The doctors even talked to me about amputation. I always thought about God. This has given a completely different vision. I know someone is watching over me.
Best advice or anything you’ve ever read…
There are so many things that stuck with me. I can’t point to one. Life is an accumulation of experiences. Just one thing cannot define your entire life. Life is a journey and you must accept what is coming without planning too much for the future. It won’t be fair to name anyone in particular because a lot of people reached out to me. But I want to thank the government authorities, the Uttarakhand government, the doctors, the police officers and those who rescued me from the accident site.
What about social networks…?
Staying off social media helped a lot. The way the world moves with social media, it’s hard to think clearly all the time. If you start thinking about everything, you won’t be able to process anything. I used to log in from time to time, but it was very limited because the exposure to so much information about myself could have broken my head. What stood out the most was the kind of love people gave me and the blessings I received. That motivated me to try harder. Blessings are always useful. A year ago, people were talking about how I might never play again or that it would take at least two years.
Did you see India play all the games?
I won’t say that I watched all the games. Because when you miss something so much, you need to give yourself space for it. I have played cricket all my life. I haven’t thought about anything else. Watching them play was a temptation, but I didn’t want that to play in my mind. I used to watch the matches once in a while when I was done with my routine.
You were probably playing your best cricket when the accident happened…
I was sad because I was having a very good time. But I had to make sure I didn’t feel sorry for myself. That’s how I kept myself sane. I don’t want to think that I’m taking on a new guard or that I’m debuting again or that I just had a break. I just want to feel what it’s like to be on the ground again. I need that feeling inside that I’m just getting on with my career.
Have you ever played a game in your mind?
(laughs) Honestly, I really thought about it. It’s been over a year since I played. I tried to think of all kinds of possibilities. But I still do it every day.
There are a lot of rumors about your return to the IPL and then there is the T20 World Cup…
We’ll see when we get to March 23 (Delhi Capitals’ first game). I don’t know how to react either. I don’t know what kind of feeling it will be. I’m trying to enjoy this. I don’t want to stress too much. I try not to get too ahead of myself, but I do think about the possibilities, both positive and negative. I try to filter that out and continue working with a positive mindset. I love my fans and I can’t deny the concern they have shown for me. I felt like I was family to everyone. When I traveled, I met people at airports. They made me feel very comfortable. All the ‘didis’ who work at the airport said, ‘Beta, aap theek ho na (son, are you doing well)?’ I can’t express the emotion when I received this kind of love.