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Shortly after this column was written, Wendy’s, presumably intimidated by my influence, came running out and issued a statement saying that while it would enact “dynamic price“The fast food chain will not implement”price increase…increase prices when demand is highest.” In a statement to USA TODAY, the company said that “we have no plans to do that and would not increase prices when our customers visit us more.” But apparently it will consider lowering prices at other times, which the math amounts to the same thing. I maintain this column. And you’re welcome, American consumers. Once again, journalism has made a difference.
Have you ever thought, “This cheeseburger I just bought tastes delicious, but wouldn’t it be great if I could pay more for it during the times When do most normal people want to eat?
I know I certainly have. My name is Rex Huppke and I am a renowned columnist for USA TODAY and a person known on the internet. Nothing matters more to me than status, so I LOVED reading about Wendy’s new plan to test dynamic pricing in their restaurants.
The plan is simple and similar to the way ride-sharing companies and Other retail and service providers raise and lower prices. depending on demand. Dynamic pricing is a great way for incredibly rich corporations to make more money by taking advantage of the needs of people who are not incredibly rich, or “normal,” as those of us with status call them.
Yes, Wendy’s, give me your most expensive burger!
It also gives people like me the opportunity to believe that intentionally spending more on something that cost less 10 minutes ago is proof that I’m calm and nervous.
Face it, it’s Biden vs. Trump:Can the media wake me up when the general election starts?
Wendy’s plan is to try raising the price. of a Frosty or a Pretzel Baconator during lunch or dinner. That makes sense, because most Americans who choose to slowly clog their arteries by eating at Wendy’s tend to do so during those hours. You know, the times when people are hungry.
More hungry people + more expensive Ghost Pepper Ranch chicken sandwiches = more money for Wendy’s!
Expensive fast food makes for great social media content, so I agree
And for someone like me? It means an opportunity to #Instagram a photo of me devouring a Loaded Nacho Triple Cheeseburger right when it’s at its HIGHEST PRICE POINT! #PoshLife #GetOnMyBurgerLevel
The company plans to test dynamic pricing next year, and if you think I’m going to be caught buying low-cost midday fries, you know nothing about my personal brand.
My fellow influencers and I will only feast on processed foods when there is peak demand.
Wendy’s boasts of dynamic pricing and suggestive sales
During a recent conference call, Wendy’s CEO Kirk Tanner had this to say: “Starting in 2025, we will begin testing more enhanced features such as dynamic pricing and time slot offers, along with AI-enabled menu changes and suggestive selling.”
Kirk, I don’t know what “daily schedule deals” are, but I’ll take 12 of them and make sure you charge me the maximum rate. And hit me with all the suggestive sales you can. I’ll be at the corner booth eating a $39 Big Bacon Classic Double and hoping my heart doesn’t explode before I can post about it on TikTok.
Kirk continued.: “As we continue to showcase the benefits of this technology in our company-operated restaurants, franchisee interest in digital menu boards should increase, further supporting system-wide sales and profit growth.” .
As God wanted.
Don’t bore me with your desire to pay for lunch, my $20 Frosty is melting.
Look, I’m sure there are some people who think that paying more for the same damn piece of spicy chicken is deeply unfair to consumers and will probably damage brand loyalty and drive people to other fast food places that don’t. do. Do not engage in cynical price speculation at the time of day.
But what about people who think that a funny social media post of them paying more for a frozen dairy dessert that tastes like cold mud makes them people people care about?
$20 to flip burgers?Raising the minimum wage in California will cost consumers and workers.
This is important to us, and I don’t think the needs of people who want to pay for lunch should outweigh the desire to floss on what used to be Twitter to spend three hundred quid on a Wendy’s.
That’s why I say, introduce dynamic pricing. You may lose business, but you will lock up the most important consumer demographic: people willing to pay anything for attention.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
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