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lady web
sony
My best theater experience of 2024 is Dune: Part 2. My second best theater experience of 2024 is Madame Web. Really.
Now streaming, available for (unfortunately expensive), Madame Web no longer requires you to go to theaters to see it (though maybe wait until the price drops), and for the right kind of viewer, I would wholeheartedly recommend what is easily the strangest superhero movie ever. present. era, which I believe began with FOX’s X-Men in 2000. Now, 24 years later, I promise you, you’ve never seen anything like it.
The best way to describe this is like The Superhero Movie Room, the famously horrible movie that looks because it is awful. So bad it’s good, as we often say. I know this is a companion movie to something also terrible like Morbius in FOX’s Spider-Man universe that doesn’t have Spider-Man, but while Morbius was a meme, it was also kind of a chore and Jared Leto’s grunts They really aren’t. Fun or entertaining, no matter how bad the movie is in general.
Madame Web is just a completely crazy movie. It’s based on an obscure Spider-Man character who’s supposed to be a blind old woman, but instead is Dakota Johnson, star of 50 Shades of Gray and Suspiria, gifted with spider powers that aren’t actual spider powers, but simply the ability to briefly see the future. Sort of an Edge of Tomorrow micro situation where you can avoid something or change something in the next round.
lady web
sony
For some reason, Sony also thought it was time to introduce not just one but three Different Spider-Women as supporting characters, instead of giving each of them their own movie, since all three are more relevant than Madame Web. What’s a bit infuriating is that this background cast includes the likes of the very popular Sydney Sweeney and also Isabela Merced, about to be a star in the DCU as Hawkgirl from Superman Legacy and with a major role as Dina in the season 2 of The Last of. Us at HBO. They could have easily carried a Spider-Woman solo movie in the right hands.
And all these women are completely lost. This is easily the least amount of action there has ever been in a superhero movie. Two great sequences end with Johnson hitting the bad guy with a vehicle because there’s no real superpowers here. except him. Ezekiel Sims is another baffling mystery here, a Z-tier Spider-Man villain who doesn’t even shoot webs, he can just climb walls and be strong. None of the real stars of this movie have powers minus Johnson’s minor abilities to see the future. And both her and Sims’ powers were given by mythical spiders from the Amazon, not by anything radioactive like Peter. Sims also has a strange voice acting over him for most of the film that remains unexplained to this day.
Oh, and you know Peter Parker. When he was a baby, when he arrives after being given birth to by his mother, Emma Roberts. Adam Scott plays Uncle Ben, leading some to call this the best movie about Spider-Man’s uncle’s coworker ever.
It remains impossible to understand why this movie was made, why Johnson, Merced, or Sweeney weren’t just given a Spider-Woman movie instead of whatever… this is. Although if the same people were involved (and these are the Morbius writers, naturally), that would have gone wrong too. I don’t expect Sony’s upcoming spider movie, Kraven, also coming out this year, to be as hilariously terrible, so I think you should watch it. The Venom movies are silly but actually quite fun. Morbius was bad in a non-fun way. Madame Web is bad in a very, very surprising way, and I suggest you watch this with as many of your friends as you can, as long as they know what they’re getting into.
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